Derpify: Horrible Stories
by Red is the New Blue
Summary: Exaggerations of common things authors do in their fanfics that drive me nuts.
1. Chapter 1

**The Horrible Grammar Story**

* * *

may walks over to ash. "Ash," says may, "can a tel u sumthin" she sayz. "Its vary important." "Ya sure may," ash said. The two walked into teh forest. Ash I love you, may says while she blush redly. "OMG I LUV U 2!" ash screamed. and then to deeply and passionately kissed passionately and deeply.

The End.

* * *

**The Rushed Story**

* * *

"Omg! Ash!" May shouted, running over to her best friend.

"What?" Ash said.

"I love you."

They kissed.

The end.

* * *

**The Common OC Story**

* * *

Ash and May were just beginning their new journey through a new region, and out of no where, a boy appeared.

"Hey guys!" The boy said, "I'm Bob, the new overpowered and unrealistic OC! I'm going to go around with you on your new adventure, and I'll have absolutly no character development at all!"

Ash and May exchanged excited glances. "Oh my God! This complete and total stranger is so cool!" May said, "I will reveal my darkest secrets to him and tell him I like Ash so he can hook me up!"

"That's right, because I'm the person the author wishes he could be, but never could be, that's why I'm handsome and strong!" Bob, the new overpowered and unrealistic OC said. "Oh, and I'm going to fall in love with Dawn too."

* * *

**The Common Plot**

* * *

Ash returns from his Journey through a region.

"PAAAAARRRTTTTEEEEEEYYYY!"

Everyone throws big party in Pallet Town.

Everyone falls in love.

Except for Brock.

The End.

* * *

**The Rushed Lemon**

* * *

Ash looked at May. "Let's declare our love and have sex."

And so they did.

The End.

* * *

**The AU Highschool Fic**

* * *

May and Drew become a couple.

They break up.

May cries a lot.

They get back together.

The end.

* * *

**The AU Rock Star Fic**

* * *

Ash and Dawn become a couple.

They break up.

Dawn cries a lot.

They get back together.

The end.

* * *

**The AU Fic**

* * *

Ash and girl become a couple.

They break up.

Girl cries a lot.

They get back together.

The end.

* * *

**The Common Situation**

* * *

Giovanni stepped closer to Ash, who was holding onto the structure for dear life. "Obiwan never told you about you're father," he said.

"He told me enough!" Ash shouted, "He told me you killed him!"

"No, Ash," Giovanni said, "I am you're father."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Fin.

* * *

**The Rushed Battle**

* * *

"This will be a battle between Ash, and Bob, the new overpowered and unrealistic OC! Fight!"

"Pikachu! Quick Attack!" Ash said.

"Garchomp, use Head Butt!" Bob, the new overpowered and unrealistic OC said.

The two collided and Pikachu was knocked out. "What are the odds?" Brock asked, "Bob, the new overpowered and unrealistic OC wins!"

* * *

**The Common Songfic**

* * *

Taylor Swift song begins to play.  
**  
**

* * *

**The Plotless Story**

* * *

"Hm, traveling through new regions is fun, Pikachu," Ash said.

"Pika pika!" Pikachu agreed.

"But I miss May, I think I love her too" Ash said.

"Pika pika!" Pikachu agreed.

"Oh, hey, Ash" May said, seeming to appear out of no where.

"Doh! May? Where did you come from?" Ash asked in disbeleif.

May chuckled. "There are contests here, silly."

Ash suddenly grabbed May by the shoulders and kissed her.

"Ash!" May said in surprise when they parted.

"May, I love you," Ash said, blushing.

May blushed too. "I love you to," she said.

And then, hand-in-hand, Ash and May happily skipped over the hill and into the sunset. Because life is just a bowl cherries and never has problems, besides, problems make bad plots, _right?_

* * *

**The Unrealistic Drew Bashing Story**

* * *

Ash and May were sitting in the Pokémon Center, what could go wrong?

Little did they know, two, evil, creepy, perverted eyes were glaring at them. _I want May to love me!_ Drew thought as he hid in the bushes, _that leaves me with no choice. _And he laughed evily.

Drew got up from the bushes and walked over to Ash and May. The eleven year old pulled out a gun and pointed it at Ash's head.

"May, you better love me, or I'll blow Ash's brains out," Drew growled.

Ash jumped to his feet. "Holy crap! It's that little ^%&# $?% and +%^#*!&$!" the ten year old exclaimed, "Pikachu Thunder Bolt!"

"PikachuCHUUUUUUU!"

And Drew died in pain.

"Oh Ash," May said, "You're so handsome and manly compared to that little ^%&# $?% and +%^#*!&$, Drew!"

The End.


	2. Chapter 2

**People seemed to like the last chapter... Which surprised me. XP**

**I wasn't planning on doing another chapter, but here it is. This chapter focuses more on things within a fiction rather than the entire fic itself.**

**Please don't be offended. I've done a lot of this stuff on my other account as well.**

* * *

**The Script Form Story.**

* * *

**Ash: **Paul! I challenge you to a battle!

**Paul: **kk :D

**Ash: **Pikachu, I choose you!

**Paul: **Electivire I need your assistance! Use Thunderbolt!

**Pikachu: **Pika! D':

**Ash: **Oh no! Pikachu! Use your Iron Tail- Oh darn it missed.

**Paul: **Finish up with Brick Break!

**Ash: **Oh no! Pikachu's been defeated!

**Paul: **Hell yeah! :D

**Ash: **Good battle Paul.

**Paul: **You suck.

**Ash: **Kay )':

* * *

**The Story Without Breakers**

* * *

"Oh man, I can't wait to get to Snowpoint City so I can get my next Gym badge!" Ash said, throwing his fist into the air.

Brock chuckled and shook his head. "You'll have to calm down, we won't be reaching it for another three days."

Ash sweat dropped.

"Oh yeah! We're finally at Snowpoint City! Gym badge, here I come!" Ash shouted.

Dawn exchanged glances with Piplup. "I get the feeling that something happened too fast."

* * *

**"That" Description**

* * *

Misty, May, Dawn, and Leaf are all teenage girls who _. Ash, Drew, Paul, and Gary are all boys who _. Will love bloom?

* * *

**That Annoying Author's Note at the Beginning**

* * *

**Author: **Yeah! I finally decided to write a story!

**(Author's Favorite Pokémon): **This is probably gonna suck.

**Author: **Whatever! Nobody asked you, now do the disclaimer!

**(Author's Favorite Pokémon): ***Author* doesn't own Pokémon

* * *

**That Annoying Author's Note at the End**

* * *

**Author: **Yep, I think that was a pretty good chapter.

**(Author's Favorite Pokémon): **No it wasn't, it was stupid!

**Author: **Shut up! Nobody likes you!

**(Author's Favorite Pokémon): **What did you say? *Charges up Hyper Beam*

**Author: **Uh, Nothing! O_O

* * *

**When Ash is a Little Too Dense**

* * *

May blushed and looked down at the ground, struggling to let out what she wanted to say. "Ash, I like you," she whispered quietly.

Ash grinned. "Yeah, I like you too, May," he said, "You're a great friend."

May sweat dropped. "No... I-I mean I love you," May explained, she was now blushing redder than a tomato.

Ash just looked at her confusedly. "I love you too, just like all my friends," he said.

"No! I mean more than just that!" May exclaimed, becoming a bit frustrated.

Ash blinked a few times before his face brightened with realization. "Oh, of course!" He said, wrapping an arm around May's shoulders, "You're my best friend!"

May smiled sadly, looking up at Ash, it was time for the last resort. She leaned over and kissed him, opening her mouth up slightly and letting her tongue gently rub against his lips. After a few passionate moments passed She eventually broke away, looking at Ash.

"What was that?" he asked, "Was there something on my face?"

* * *

**The Joke that Isn't Funny**

* * *

"Wow! What an exciting match!" Brock said. Ash was battling against Bob, the new and over powered OC.

"Yeah, Ash is doing great!" May said, "But I don't get why Sceptile fell so quickly."

"Oh, it's just because the author is too lazy to write a full length battle," Max said in a matter of fact tone.

Suddenly, dark clouds began to billow, and lightning came down and stuck Max.

**Author: I told you not to break the fourth wall!  
**

* * *

**Stories Where Ash is a Pervert**

* * *

As May stepped out in a red bikini, Ash's eyes widened. He began to drool as he noticed her perfect curves, her round buttocks, and her more than revealing cleavage.

"Oh yes," Max said sarcastically, "Because Ash being perverted to _**so **_in character..."

Suddenly, dark clouds began to billow, and lightning came down and stuck Max.

**Author: Watch your mouth, don't break the fourth wall!**

* * *

**The Overly Sexy OC**

* * *

Dawn's eyes widened when she saw Bob, the new and overly powerful (And now extremely handsome) OC sitting by the fire pit.

_Oh he's so handsome!_ Dawn thought dreamily, _His perfect hair, his dreamy eyes, and even though I know nothing about him, I'm sure he has a great personality!_

"Hi," Bob said, making Dawn blush, "I'm Bob, the new and overly powerful (And now extremely handsome). I'm based on the author."

Dawn's eyes sparkled. "Well that must mean that the author is as handsome and kind as you!" She said.

But Bob shook his head. "No, I am only who the author wishes he could be, sexy, strong, smart, and a lady magnet."

Suddenly, dark clouds began to billow, and lightning came down and stuck Bob.

**Author: I think I've heard just about enough from you, Bob!**

* * *

**My Least Favorite Phrase in All of Fanfiction**

* * *

I like Ash, but I also like Drew, May thought. Ash is nice but he's dense, Drew's a jerk but gives me roses. _**Ugh! Love is so confusing!**_

* * *

**The Writer who only Likes to Hear How Great He is.**

* * *

A/N: Hey guys, this mah first fanfiction, so go easy on me, I don't want any flames or bad comments... Only tell me what you like about the story... Don't tell me how I can improve, I don't want any of that crap, I want to always suck at writing.

Oh, and I'm not gonna update until I get 50 reviews.

* * *

**The Average Male OC ID**

* * *

**Name: **Bob

**Clothes: **Black shirt, black pants, black hat, black jacket, black shoes, black shades, black...

**Personality: **Typically A chill guy, he's pretty cool and isn't a sore loser. He's nice to everyone and is very lovable. He loves his Pokémon, his friends, and battles. His Pokémon are all really strong and he is an amazing battler.

**Pokémon (NOTE: ALL SHINY :D)**

Lucario  
Charizard  
Eevee  
Pikachu  
Milotic  
Arceus

* * *

**Too Much Pika-Speak**

* * *

Ash was in the kitchen, cleaning off a few dishes when Pikachu burst into the room.

"Pika pika, Chu pika kapikachu pika Chuchuchuchu pi pika Chu kapi pika kachu pi pi Chu ka pi chukapi Chu kapichu cha Chu pika pika Chu kakapi pika pi Chu pikachu!" He said frantically, "Chuchuchuchu pi pika Chu kapi Pikachu pika Chu kapichu cha Chu pika pika Chu chupikachu pika pika Chu pika Pika pika, Chu pika kapikachu pika pika Chu kakapi Chu pika!"

"What's that?" Ash asked, bending over and putting his hands on his knees. "Little Billy fell into the well again? We got to hurry and save him!"

"Chuchuchuchu pi pika Chu kapi Pikachu pika Chu kapichu cha Chu pika pika Chu chupikachu pika pika Chu pika Pika pika, Chu pika kapikachu pika pika Chu kakapi Chu pika!" Pikachu agreed, "Pika pika, Chu pika kapikachu pika Chuchuchuchu pi pika Chu kapi pika kachu pi pi Chu ka pi chukapi Chu kapichu cha Chu pika pika Chu kakapi pika pi Chu pikachu!"

* * *

**Another Overused Plot**

* * *

"Hey May!" Ash said, "Let's travel through Unova together!"

May smiled. "Yeah! Then we can be together all the time!"

Max walked into the room shaking his head. "Guys, it's a bad idea, there's just going to be a corny and unoriginal plot about you two falling in love, you'll meet another new, over powered, and handsome OC who will travel around with you, it'll be so-"

Suddenly, dark clouds began to billow, and lightning came down and stuck Max.

**Author: How many times must I say it? Don't break the fourth wall!**

* * *

**Over used joke about four wall breakage is there to make a point.**

**Hopefully this met your expectations. I hope you enjoyed.**

**Oh, and I won't update this unless I get 50 new reviews. _**


	3. Chapter 3

**Well I never got those 50 reviews, oh well. xP**

* * *

**The Cliche Fanfic Beginning**

* * *

***BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP***

A hand came down, aimlessly reaching for the alarm clock. After feeling the area for a few moments, the hand fell on the snooze button and shut the alarm off.

A young boy groaned and turned his head and sleepily looked over at clock on his bed stand.

"Oh no! I'm late!"

* * *

**The Power of Love**

* * *

"No, Ash!" May exclaimed, tears streaming down her cheeks as she held the dying boy in her arms. "Don't die!"

"May..." Ash murmured. "I'll... I'll always... L-lo-..."

But his body fell limp in May's lap before he could finish the sentence.

AND THEN MAY CRIED A LOT AND KISSED DEAD ASH AND THEN HE CAME BACK TO LIFE! WHOOPY!

"May... You saved me!" Ash said, his eyes wide with excitement. "I was brought back to life with the power of love!"

* * *

**How to Write a Return Fic**

* * *

Ash leaves his BFFENRBHLT (Best Friends Forever Except Not Really Because He Leaves Them) and pulls an Ocarina of Time, disappearing for several years before coming back totally buff, sexy, and powerful.

He's now dark and serious and hates everything and goes by some generic nickname like "Shadow."

Ash meets old BFFENRBHLT when he visits a tournament (NOTE: MUST MEET AT TOURNAMENT WHERE ALL BFFENRBHLT ARE CONVENIENTLY AT)

He is unstoppable (Not even Bob, the overpowered and unrealistic OC can beat him) and drop dead sexy. May has no choice but to fall in love with mysterious "Shadow" because she obviously loves him because he's Ash but she's too stupid to connect the freaking dots and figure that out herself.

Ash reveals his true identity.

Everyone is shocked, (except Bob the overpowered and unrealistic OC, who knew all along, of course.)

May is completely and conveniently understanding and she and Ash fall in love and hug and kiss and livehappilyeveraftertheend.

* * *

**Author Got Bored of the Story**

* * *

Chapter 67

...

Ash covered his ears as Arceus let out a mighty roar. The darkness had completely take over the legendary Pokémon as Team Rocket's plan set into action.

"No..." Ash murmured, swallowing hard as the legend began it's rampage. "How can we stop it?"

* * *

Chapter 68

Suddenly May ran over to Ash and hugged him tightly. "Ash, before we die, there's something I need to tell you!" She exclaimed, bunches of Ash's jacket in her fists.

"W-what is it, May?" Ash stammered, surprised by May's actions.

"I... I love you!" She confessed, burying her face in her chest as hot tears flowed down her cheeks.

Ash placed his hand under the crying girl's chin and tilted her head up. "I love you too." He said gently. The two leaned down and their lips met.

And then because the power of Ash and May's love, the darkness controlling Arceus was forced from its host and Arceus was returned to normal and killed all of Team Rocket and everyone lived happily ever after. The end.

* * *

**Too Many Characters**

* * *

Ash, May, Brock, Misty, Dawn, Tracy, Max, Iris, Cilan, Gary, Ritchie, Paul, Trip, Drew, and Bob all embark on an epic adventure through the Ecrplmitecsheflammanoosentiv al region. Together they will find that it was a bad idea for fifteen trainers to travel together. They'll suffer great trials such as following Ash for some reason explained at the beginning of the fic that is completely forgotten and disregarded throughout the rest of the story.

Together, they will confuse the readers with meaningless conversations that appear of large bunches of text just so that they all seem somewhat relevant. They'll be put in pairings that slow the story down and are absolutely irrelevant to the main plot, and have to take down Team Rocket, Team Aqua, Team Magma, Team Galactic, and Team Plazma, who have joined forces to fuse all the legendary Pokémon together and make the Super Sayian Ultramon!

* * *

**Common Situation: Shopping**

* * *

"SHOPPING! SHOPPING! SHOPPING!" May sang, skipping around the mall. Behind her Ash slugged behind, carrying fifty billion shopping bags.

"Maaaaaay, why are you buying clothes?" Ash whined as he dragged the bags on the ground. "It's not like you actually wear anything aside from what you have on now."

May whirled around and slapped him him angrily. "SHUT UP, SLAVE!"

* * *

**Unnecessary Disclaimer**

* * *

_I don't know own Pokémon, if I did May would have never left the anime and Advanceshipping would be canon and Ash would have won the Pokémon League and Ash would have caught Arceus because I'M CREATIVE AND KNOW WHAT'S RIGHT FOR THE ANIME!_

* * *

**Build Up, Build Up, Build Up, Romance, The End**

* * *

After spending a good ten to twelve hours reading a "romance" fic, 32 chapters in, we finally find our hero, Ash, confessing his love for the romantic interest, May.

"May, you make my heart sore like a Wingull, sing like an Exploud, and melt like a Grimer..." Ash said, grasping May's hand.

"Ash..." May said, trying to stop Ash from making those stupid comparisons to Pokémon.

"This last week has made me realize something, something that I had never noticed before," he said, pulling May closer. "May... I love you."

May smiled, leaning against Ash. "I love you too!"

And then Ash leaned down and then the two's lips connected and then they kissed and then the end.

* * *

_A/N: Haha, I bet you're really happy that you read my entire 32 chapter fic just for that short AdvanceShipping moment you'd all been waiting for at the end. But I don't really know what to do after that cause I'm not creative._

_Peace out my homies (Except FlamerDude24, that guy's retarded and I hope he gets cancer.)_

* * *

**Stuttering**

* * *

"May, you make my heart sore like a Wingull, sing like an Exploud, and melt like a Grimer..." Ash said, grasping May's hand.

"A-A-Ash..." May stuttered nervously, trying to stop Ash from making those stupid comparisons to Pokémon.

"This last week has made me realize something, something that I had never noticed before," he said, pulling May closer. "May... I love you."

Tears began to well up in May's eyes. "I-I-I-I-I-I l-l-ov-v-e-e-e y-y-y-o-u t-t-t-t-t-t-t-oo." She stammered

Ash took a step back and looked at May with surprise. "May, You might want to see a speech therapist. You have a serious stuttering problem."

"I-I-I k-k-k-kn-n-n-ow."

"The K in 'know' is silent, you shouldn't even have to stuttering that."

"O-o-o-o-o-oh."

"I understand you're nervous, but this is ridiculous..."

* * *

**Asking for OCs**

* * *

_A/N: ER MER GERD GUYZ I'M ASKING FER OCS, AIN'T THAT COOL!? AIN'T I COOL?!_

_Yes. I want OCs. That way the fic completely turns into a fan service only for the people who submitted OCs while new readers are completely turned off by the overwhelming amount of OC ACTION._

_Oh, and because of the massive amount of OCs I'll be accepting, you'll never be able to distinguish one OC from the next because they'll all seem pretty much the same._

_And make sure you send it via review, I don't want none of that stuff in my PM inbox because I totally just want all the OC profiles in one place and am not desperately trying to get reviews._

_Of course, don't expect your OC to able to stand up to Bob in Pokémon battles. He's too sexy and cool to be beaten, obviously._

_Yeah, doesn't everyone love Bob? He's like me!_

_I'm gonna go cry in the corner for a while._

* * *

**Finally updated this thing. Sorry for the almost year long wait. Hopefully the next update isn't too far down the road.**


End file.
